There is nothing ordinary about Anna Feliciano. She speaks seven languages (English, Russian, French, Spanish, Danish, Tagalog and Indonesian) and has had a career that spans working for the World Wildlife Fund in remote islands in the Philippines to designing pillowcases for luxury interiors. The only way to put her life in perspective is to read the book Third Culture Kids: The Experience of Growing Up Among Worlds. This book includes many case studies of people who grew up as she did and who share the same kind of poly-nationalism. Written by David Pollack and Ruth Van Reken, the book describes the growing phenomena of being a child raised on the cusp of two cultures, the one that you were born into and the one that physically surrounds you. This definition is broad enough to include bi-cultural third culture kids, such as Anna. She is half Danish and half Australian and lived in Russia, Malaysia, Singapore, the Philippines, the US, Indonesia, Ghana and South Africa. Her children, who are also bi-cultural, as their father is from the Philippines, have lived most of their lives in Indonesia except for brief stints in the US and Singapore. Her family life reflects a growing trend; in 1960, only 25% of American children living overseas had parents from two cultures, but by 1995 a survey of adult third culture kids (ATCK), found that 42% came from bicultural families.
The book uses a mix of case studies and experiences from seminars to illustrate many of the typical behaviors of third culture kids. Since I am one, having spent my childhood in North Africa and the Middle East, I think many of the conclusions that the authors detail about behaviors in third culture kids are very accurate. Having also interviewed Anna and her family, they too fit the mold. For example, consider the art of saying goodbye. The book states “TCK’s say they don’t like messy goodbyes and, in fact, refuse to say them.” Anna’s take on goodbyes is that she is not very good at them and gets very stressed out the week before leaving; “the less I know about leaving the better.” For her it’s an issue of leaving a place where she is comfortable and where people know her. As she talked about goodbyes, she became teary-eyed and sang a snatch of a song “One day, I’ll fly away and leave my love”. That and the anthem “I’m leaving on a jet plane, don’t know when I’ll be back again” have also marked my own transitions away. Friends say that my farewells are always casual, as if it is just routine to fly thousands of miles away. The book confirms that for TCKs, saying goodbye and changing continents is an ordinary event.
One quibble with the book is that fact that they have adopted the acronym ATCK to describe adults who were raised in third cultures. It is redundant, after all if you were a third culture kid, then you will be a third culture adult since your history doesn’t change. In fact, the authors stress the point that it is living abroad during formative years that is so significant that even a short stay can change you forever. No matter if you spend your entire adult life in one place, you will always be a third culture kid. As Anna stated “My primary response years of my life were all in Asia, this is where I consider home.”
This habit of relocation during the developmental years leads to what the authors call “Rootlessness and Restlessness”. The answer to the simple question “Where are you from?” is fraught with nuance. I asked Anna’s kids where they were from, and with got mixed answers. Marco, who is 17, said “I don’t have a straight answer for that.” Paolo, who is thirteen, said “I from Australia and the Philippines but Indonesia is my home” (he has been here for 12 of his 13 years). Anna’s daughter, Bianca, who like her graduated from JIS (although during Anna’s time is was the Jakarta Embassy Schools) is now studying at university in Australia. But the first time she went to Australia she was seven years old and the immigration officer said “You’re an Australian and you’re coming here for the first time-bit big for that, aren’t you?’ These habits of relocation and restlessness can last a lifetime, the authors believe this is one of the biggest challenges created by a mobile lifestyle. As adults, there can be difficulty to committing to either work or intimacy. When you have grown accustomed to following a military or diplomatic cycle, which involves moving every two years, you automatically get restless after a few years. I know that I haven’t lived in the same house for longer then four years and have never worked for an organization for longer then two years but until I read this book, I didn’t realize that it could be attributed to my being raised as a third culture kid.
Anna’s children provide insight to the some of the challenges that are listed in the book. They have had to deal with friends leaving and the difficulty of keeping contacts, they have also had to face the realities of geo-politics versus the heart’s desire. Marco, who says that he is most at ease in an American culture because of having gone to JIS, and who would like to live there said “I know that my future is in Australia.” He understands that Indonesia can’t be maintained as a home base without all the institutional supports for visas and work permits, and that America takes the same. Paolo said “If I had to leave for another country, I wouldn’t consider it as where I live or my home”, even though he thinks that after high school graduation, he too will move to Australia.
The book doesn’t only deal with challenges, it is also quick to point out the many benefits this kind of lifestyle can have. Children who grow up this way can often speak many languages, have a real appreciation of globalization, can be very socially adept, and frequently choose to go on to university. They also have a tendency to continue the international life style, thus becoming the parents of third culture kids. The book includes information on healthy psychological habits that families can cultivate to help manage the challenges of living all around the world. They suggest making family traditions (Anna and her family have been going to the same beach house in West Java for the last ten years); building strong ties with friends, including those who are from the past (Anna is friends now with a man that she graduated from high school with here in Jakarta and also has a friendship stretching back 23 years with a woman from the Philippines); and allowing children the time to say goodbye properly to the countries and friends they are leaving. The book also urges more corporate sensitivity so that reentry is easier and families don’t have to do it all on their own.
Overall, this book is a valuable addition to any expatriate family’s bookshelf. It is published by Nicholas Brealey Publishing, its ISBN # is 1-85788-295-4 and it is available on-line from Amazon for $14.
THREE CULTURETEERS
I’ve just had the pleasure of speaking to three pretty smart kids. They’re what are now know as third culture kids. Two of them, Alexandra and Anais, both 17, are preparing for life after high school and, I suppose, adulthood, while the third, Sam at 16, is not so far behind them. Alex and Sam are sister and brother and come from a dual culture family – their father is French and their mother an American. They grew up in France and have been in Indonesia, their first overseas posting, for over 3 years.
Both Sam and Alex are both excited to be in Indonesia. Obviously their parents have encouraged them to be open to new experiences and they happily talked in depth about their experiences here. They’ve added the Indonesian language to their French and English; they spoke of the growth of cultural awareness; the variety of people they’ve met and their improved communication skills; and they talked of more specific things like the extra attention they get at the French International School. They see the time they have spent here as a privilege.
Which brings us to Anais. Asked where she considers home, she answered France without hesitation. And yet, since she was 3 months old she has live everywhere but France – Brazil, Nigeria, USA and for the last 5 years and her longest ‘posting’, here in Indonesia. She answered France perhaps because it’s the one place she keeps going back to – not for long periods – but in terms of somewhere to hang her hat, it’s home.
Anais talked about her experiences with the same articulateness shown by her friends. Less focused on Indonesia, she spoke most warmly of Nigeria, remembering the closeness and unspoken communication that existed in the expat community. But the move to Houston, and the loss of community that that followed, was when Anais, at the age of 10, first realized that her life was at the mercy of a phone call. When told 5 years ago that she would be moving to Indonesia, there was none of the excitement that Alex and Sam felt – Indonesia was “just another country”. While Anais too speaks of the privileges reaped from living in foreign lands, there is also a sense of burden, of world-weariness that is absent in her two friends. Living in countries like Indonesia is not an adventure – it has been her life. And although it has not stopped her from committing herself, it must feel at times like a life of sudden goodbyes, of friendships impossibly maintained by email.
Anais is returning to France soon to start university. How she settles down after 17 years on the road is still an unknown but France is where she wants to put her roots down and stay. Alex too is off to university but in Boston, USA so she has the double whammy of leaving home for the first time and taking on a new, if not completely unfamiliar culture. Sam still has 2 years of school left but he also faces the uncertainty of how much longer he will be in Indonesia.
It would be interesting to be able to meet these young people again in 10 years time to see how their stories have panned out but as Anais knows, the chances of us all meeting again are more than 1000 to 1.
Jakarta24 wishes these three quality kids and their families all the best in the future.
THIRD CULTURE BOYS
Sebastian Modak, Chris Murray, Kevin Turner and Ben Davies are all good friends. They are typical 16-year-old boys who like to play computer games, go out to movies, hang out in the mall and meet pretty girls. They are also excellent students who all received recognition for academic excellence. But that is not all that they have in common. One of the things that binds them together most strongly is their similar backgrounds, not only as Third Culture Kids but as kids with dual-culture parents.
The term “third culture kid” defines a person who has grown up outside his or her parent culture. One of the points stressed in the plethora of literature related to TCKs is that “90 percent of TCKs upon repatriation say they are more or less ‘out of synch’ with their age group throughout their lifetimes.” I interviewed these boys to find out a bit about their background and their views on life as a TCK.
Despite many commonalities their backgrounds are quite varied. Kevin’s mother is American and his father Colombian. Born and raised for the first 6 years of his life in Colombia, Kevin has also lived in the United States, Uruguay, and Indonesia. Sebastian (called Seby by his friends) was born in the United States although his parents are Indian and Colombian. He has lived in Hong Kong, Australia, India, and Indonesia. Chris, born in Canada to an American mother (who was also a TCK) and British father and lived in Canada, Sri Lanka and Indonesia. Ben, who has been in Indonesia the longest with 12 years here, was born in Australia to a Welshman and Kiwi with short stints in Australia and New Zealand when he was quite young.
Contrary to the literature, there was little hesitation when asked where they considered home. The two boys whose parents were both from Anglo-Saxon cultures were quite definite. Ben feels Australian as his family spends time there each year and when asked where he is from, Chris replied decisively, “I’m Canadian.” The other two were quite sure of their answers but added qualifiers.
Kevin feels most connected with the United States, but also feels his Colombian heritage. Seby’s answer was similar, “I feel most connected to India because I lived there for five years and to Colombia because I speak Spanish with my mother and visit there pretty often.”
All of the boys have many of the characteristics cited in the literature on TCKs. They are friendly, outgoing, speak at least 2 languages, adapt well to new situations, have a global view of the world and love to travel. “I feel pretty lucky having been able to live in so many interesting places and learn about different cultures and countries,” said Kevin when asked what was the best thing about his mobile lifestyle. In fact, all the boys stated that they would like to continue to travel when they grow up and would definitely consider living overseas again as adults.
Not surprisingly, when asked what the hardest part was about being a TCK they all had the same sentiments. Leaving places they love and where they have made good friends, having friends leave them to go on to new places…saying goodbyes. None of them felt that adjusting to new places was all that difficult, they make new friends; get to know new places with ease. Chris was the only one who expressed concern about adjusting to life back in Canada, which reflects the TCK literature findings: “For many, re-entry shock is far more difficult than the culture shock of moving overseas.”
In the meantime, they are making the most of their life here in Indonesia, happy with their good friends, their exciting lifestyle, and the many interesting things that a city like Jakarta has to offer them. What the future holds after graduating from university, no one knows but perhaps Seby’s statement - “I’m not really sure what will happen after graduation but I want it to be something that will let me keep traveling and living in different countries around the world” – reflects the way many third culture kids feel.
